I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
