girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
