I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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