i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
