I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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