I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
