fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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