I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
