What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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