he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
