i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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