"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
