You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
