When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
