Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
