she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
