I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
