dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
