Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
