But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
