Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
