Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
