So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
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He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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