I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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