its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
