Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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