Got a toothbrush?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
