Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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