Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
