____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
