I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
