Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Oh god it's open bar.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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