she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize