i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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