I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
