were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I have aggressive nipples.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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