We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize