So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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