Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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