the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
