just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Randomize
