$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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