They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
vagina is talking i cant
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
