Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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