I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
