Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
