I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
