I skipped work to stalk him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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