put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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