i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize