Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
