I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
