If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
