i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
