he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
