I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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