omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
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I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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