One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
