as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
