does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
