i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
