wakey wakey hands off snakey
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
