I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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