Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize