i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
