yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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