Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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