Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
