So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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