the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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