I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my being single is dangerous.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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