im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
