my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
