Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
