She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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