I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
