Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
